Tuesday, September 27, 2005

What Should I Do?

Both of my sisters are married, and all of my friends are either married, getting married, or are in serious relationships. I really don't date all too much, mostly due to my distrust of men. I was very (emotionally) abused by my boyfriend about 4 years ago. Since then, I have either gotten incredibly hurt by the men I date or I stop the relationship before I get hurt, because I am afraid of getting hurt. My distrust has also been perpetuated by the fact that at the end of last year, I found out that my father cheated on my mother on and off for about 20 years. I have tried over and over to get over my fear of rejection and/or getting hurt. I have dated the badboy, the nice guy, the jock, the older man, the Navy pilot and many many more "types", but none of them seem to fit me. When I thought I might be pregnant a couple of weeks back, my need for something more in my life increased. I realized that while I may have a wonderful family and nice friends, and a wonderful little dog, that I need some sort of romantic companionship in my life.

So, to get to my point, I met this guy this weekend who's name is Justin. He's tall, handsome, has a great personality, a great job, and best of all, he has the approval of my brother-in-law for me to go out alone, unchaparoned, with Justin and a couple of their other friends. We all got really drunk, and since I obviously couldn't drive the 30-45 min back to Akron from Cleveland, I stayed in their hotel room. Now, my sister and brother-in-law slept in one bed, and Justin and I slept in the other bed. Neither of us could sleep so we spend 3 or so hours talking. It was nice to have someone actually find me attractive and take an interest in me. My only fear is that since he only knows me when I've been drunk, that that's who he thinks I am. I am a very exaggerated form of myself when I am drunk. I get belligerent, I will only do what I want and not what anyone else wants me to do, and I flirt....A lot. We went out again Saturday night but nothing much more happened. I was so tired in the morning, we had to get up at 6:30 because the guys had to drive back to DC, that I didn't get a chance to really talk to him, or for that matter, give him my phone # or ask him to call me.

On Monday, I realized that I really like this guy. He's the nicest, sweetest guy I have taken and interest to in a very long time. I talked with my sister and brother-in-law about it, and they said that I should do nothing about it, basically because he lives in DC and I live in stupid Akron, OH. They claim that he's a "sex freak", what ever my brother-in-law thinks that means. I know for a fact that he has been wrong about Justin before. I just wish I had a chance to find out for myself. I'm pondering taking a trip back down to DC this weekend, but I think that might be stalking. Although, Justin did ask me before he left when I was coming back down to DC, but I didn't know at the time, and I might just be rationalizing here. What should I do? What if this is who I'm supposed to be with? I can't get this out of my head!

Friday, September 23, 2005

Update On "The Cheater"

So, my Brother-In-Law is in town for the Spirit of America Show at the Gund Arena in Cleveland this weekend. I found out that the guy who I posted about before, whom I'll refer to only as "The Cheater", actually did go home and sleep with the ugly Asian chick. I've been told, because I'll see "The Cheater" tonight, that I am not to say anything because "no one knows". Please! His wife is so going to find out from someone eventually. I believe in trust and respect and honesty in a marriage/relationship. Otherwise, your marriage/relationship is built upon lies. A relationship will never survive if "The Cheater" isn't honest with his wife and ultimately himself. He needs to learn and move on from the mistakes he has made or will make. I mean, if it was truly a one time only thing, which I sure is not the case and he's cheated on his wife before, that she could find it in her heart to forgive him, and they could move on with their lives.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Isn't He Cutesy

Here is my very cutesy brother-in law who is in the Army Continental Color Guard/Honor Guard.

(He's the one on the left holding the flag)

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Why Me???

I feel like I am being punished for trying to have a good time over the weekend. After arriving at work on Monday and drinking 3 cups of coffee to try and stay awake,I ended up getting the worst heartburn I have ever had in my entire life. Of course, no one at my office had any Pepcid, so I decided to go home. I went home, took some meds, and went to bed. Then yesterday, I woke up with a sore throat and a stuffy nose. I took a call from my boss (who is out of town), and he asked me how I was feeling. I told him that I had a sore throat and a stuffy nose. He has the nerve to tell me, "That's what you get when you get no sleep over the weekend." What an a**hole! I can't stand his snide comments he makes over the phone! Anyway, maybe this was all caused by lack of sleep, but I was just trying to have a good time. I didn't do anything to be punished like this.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

I'm sorry.....

But this is what (who) you voted for

So Over It

After my weekend going to the Cleveland Air Show and hooking up with an actual Navy Pilot, I have officially come to the realization that I am completely over my whole obsession with finding my own "Maverick". While I may still find a man in a uniform "hot", I now know that no matter what they look like with the uniform on, there is still an ordinary, everyday person underneath.

I further came to the realization that many women
have not come to the same conclusion I have. This past weekend, while out with my brother-in-law's Army friends, that you cannot be a fool and just pick-up any random "military guy" at the bar just because they wear a uniform for (1) If you really know what they did all day at their "job", they lose all of their mystique (my brother-in-law dresses up like George Washington) and (2) Most of them cannot be trusted. They believe that they can have any woman they want and they are just going to use you.

So, now I ask you to please get over your obsession with Top Gun. Being in the military is not as mysterious or attractive as you may think. If you are going out to hook-up with some random guy, be my guest. If you are looking to fufill you "Top Gun" fantasy, go ahead. Just don't go try to pick up a military guy at the bar looking for a relationship because you have this Hollywood idea of what someone in the military does or how that act. Believe me, the reality is far from what you've seen on the big screen. Also, remember that he might just be married and looking for a one night stand. If you're okay with that, then be my guest. Just please don't be so naive.

Monday, September 19, 2005

When Is It Considered Cheating

While in DC this weekend, I went out with my brother-in-law and his Army friends to Adams Mill in Adams Morgan. While we were there, one of the guys (who happens to be married with 2 daughters) started making out with some ugly Asian chick. I started to get angry (mostly because my Father cheated on my Mother for like 20 yrs, but that's beside the point). Then, after we left the bar, he got in a cab with this chick. That's when I got pissed! None of the guys seemed to understand why this guy's actions were wrong. I told them, maybe I have a skewed viewpoint, but it was still wrong because he is married. I guess I considered his actions to be "Cheating on His Wife." I'm sorry, and I've heard his wife can a biatch sometimes, but his actions were still unacceptable.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Who Does That To Their Children

I work with a guy named "A". I just found out today that he is not going to let his little girl beleive in Santa. Granted, she's only about one year old, and I have known that his parenting "tactics" are a little unothodox, but come on, IT'S JUST SANTA. What parent in their right mind doesn't let their child beleive in Santa Clause. He claims that "he doesn't want her to be mad at him for lying to her by saying that there is a santa when in actuality there isn't." That is just unhumanly, strange, and cruel of him all in one. And let me clarify that he is not part of a religion (like Jews or Jahovas Witnesses where they don't celebrate Christmas at all). No, he grew up beleiving in Santa, The Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy. Who deprives there children the joy that comes with with Christmas, Easter, and losing your teeth.

How Much Am I Worth

I am worth $1,687,150 on HumanForSale.com
That is a slight boost for my self esteem, but I need someone else to compare it to.

I'm Out Of Here

After my preganacy scare this week.....

I'm getting out of this state and going to DC to visit my sister.

Can't We All Just Get Alomg

I hate when women are very judgemental of me. Yes, I am blond, skinny, have big boobs, and wear expensive clothes, but I am much more than what you see on the outside. I wish people (esp. women) would get to know me before they judge me. I have always said that I get along so much better with guys than I do girls. My mother tells me it's because of all the reasons stated above, but perhaps that is the same reason that I seem to have a lot more guy friends. If people would really get to know me, they would realize that the person who they see on the outside is a totally different person on the inside. They never seem to realize that I had extremely low self-esteem which caused me to be depressed almost to the point of becoming suicidal on several occasions for the first, i don't know, 21 years of my life. If they could just.... I don't know, get past the exterior and try to get to know what is on the inside, they might not hate me as much.

What is it?

What is it about Abercrombie wearing fraternity guys that I find so attractive? I am 23 and I still find certain 19 year old college students attractive. There must be something wrong with me. I mean, come on. I am way past the days, when I was a Kappa in good ol' A to the K to the RON, and all I wanted to to was get drunk at the bars with my fake ID or go to all the frat parties I could where I would get totally drunk and make out with some random guy. Who does that sort of thing anymore after the age of 22? I never did after I turned 21. I mean, these are the kind of guys I wanted to date when I was 19 or 20. Now that I am 23, I want a guy whose idea of a date is not hanging out, drinking beer, and watching a football game, but going out to dinner and having an intelligent conversation about something other that school or work or how much you had to drink last night. Is that too much to ask? I don't think so.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

I Don't Even Know What to Say